I’ve had a few habits my whole life through my changing music tastes, my changing perspectives and my changing looks.
When I was little I remember writing words so honest when I found them a few years later written on an old toy it really hit me emotionally.
It kept happening but it’s only today I realise I’ve been doing it my whole life. When I absentmindedly sat writing these completely honest words into my label maker.
I’ve written tiny notes on the bottom of desks or invisible messages on notice boards…I’ve even left tiny chalk butterflies on walls when I’ve felt trapped. Some, I will never find again.
All these words were an exact thing I could say to no human, like every tiny little thing I was feeling was rolled up in its combined impact and written down.
At the end of the day, when I come across them, these words are all I have and they guide me home.
Even if the thought terrifies me; they tell me to be honest and true to myself. They tell me to smile and take some time just to rest and write and read and be.
Most importantly they teach me to let it out, a building restlessness can be because of something you’re keeping in.
Have you ever written words you couldn’t share? Word so honest they can break any facade you ever tried to build? To smile so brightly about some way you felt?
I found one recently, just a sentence from what feel like a forever ago that says ‘I know he’s going to break my heart.’ The funny thing is, those sentences are nearly always right…he did, but I learnt so much from it.
But I breathe in each new day knowing that I still loved, just like I know the words I wrote today will either lead me somewhere new or teach me something I need to learn.
Close your eyes and let your heart do the writing once in a while,