I have been under the weather for over a week, feeling a little disheartened by the world and a little more than let down by some of the people I care about the most. Before I explain more I want to tell you that this story has a happy ending.
Over the last couple of weeks my happiness began to increase and as it does so to do my efforts to share it from baking to growing sunflowers and small gestures that might just make someone smile. There is nothing more beautiful than a person whose eyes are alive and on fire with happiness. But, by own disheartened state left me feeling a little let down as my endless high hopes were noted as not being met in a more continual state. There were a lot of broken promises and a lot of things that were meant to happen that just didn’t, finding out a lot of honesties that gave me strength but hurt and it all adds up.
All week my thoughts have been on coming home. A small amount of freedom from a weight I’ve been carrying for a while. I am so happy to say it really has been. I am once again surrounded by a respectful and completely homely environment and their are no words for how grateful I am for it.
I woke up at 4am this morning to travel back and after a lovely taxi driver declined my business instead giving me the easy peasy 1 minute walking directions and the lady at Starbucks when she asked me a question non-beverage related, I was picked up by my big brother from the station at 11am.
I went home and did the usual things from unpacking a little to playing with the cat and then going through my things to see what had changed. Like always there was a couple of tiny gifts on my dresser from my mom and like always I folded everything into a drawer in preparation for some serious unpacking.
After this my brother came down and decided we were going shopping so I wrapped up living somewhere a little to cold for my flu-like symptoms and off we went. I was spoilt. My brother stocked up on everything from medicine to cookies. When we got home I unpacked and told him I was cooking him dinner as a thanks but wanted to put some washing on first; Ten minutes later he fetches my washing and I get to his house to find dinners underway, my washing is then put into the machine. I insisted on finishing off the meal but afterwards as we sat and watched a TV show that was a staple of my childhood, my brother both hung up all of my washing not accepting assistance and then fetched me a selection of Dvd’s I could watch when I got home along with some chocolate and Lemsip.
Safe to say when I got home and thought about it all I was so overwhelmed I got a little emotional. But I feel like it’s safe to say my faith is almost restored.
Being in a partly negative environment for so long has made me appreciate my family more. Living in a city has made me love the country more and being in a constantly noisy environment has made me appreciate a little silence more than I ever thought I would.
Sometimes a flicker in the flames of your heart and a change of air responding to that is all it takes to relight a fire. I’m still tired, I’m still ill but I have faith that tomorrow can be a lot more than I felt today could have been before it were. I have a lot to do but a lot more to just be; sometimes the life you’re on the path of can have a day by the side of the road just observing.
Faith isn’t just believing in a God, being blessed is about more than just being given something, It’s about appreciating it and recognizing that human beings are really amazing sometimes. It takes a few to make you feel bad but only one good action to cancel all of that out. I think they happen a lot more often than people see them :)
I hope you all had a beautiful Sunday,