I grew up with music, it surrounded me but until I hit my teenage years and started buying random indie movies I never really got into it. The first most influcial thing I ever watched was pushing daisies. This taught me love was not about sex, or touching it was about just being with another human being who is meant to be there for you.
I feel in love with love, I realised I was an endless romantic. I’ve tried just being, just having a thing for the sake of a thing…but it’s not my thing.
Reaching for my phone, he’s gone to the bathroom. A second date in a romantic place with a person who I like but is not meant for me.
Since I was fifteen years old I’ve been in love with love. A hopeless romantic in a world full of people checking their phones.
Writing letters and baking cookies and being the furthest thing from a feminist one could perhaps imagine.
Then 4 months ago two catastrophic blows and my love, quite literally dissolved.
I’m emerging in a world like an alcoholic removed from liquor but it’s brighter, the colours have just change:
”Fiercely independent”…yeah I’ve heard it but my trust, well, you haven’t quite earned it.
I walk from the restaurant, third date, well you blew that. But, that’s because you said dude, I could tap that.
Just because I’m single and just because you paid for drinks,
this doesn’t mean for a moment I’ll respond to your winks.
I love being in love and you have to respect me,
because when you see that look in someone’s eyes it’ll just be.
I’m emerging in a world, single girl, ready to stand,
but that doesn’t mean if you offer it I won’t take your hand.
You’re scared, your scarred and it’s any excuse,
You can’t be a man so what’s the use.
If your heart isn’t real then be honest, no big deal,
because when I see you often I’m going to start to feel.
When I say I don’t love, you, don’t like you, don’t feel it,
Whatever it is you want to say please don’t conceal it.
Eventually, tomorrow, a year from now,
if you take in my words, let them in, let them heal,
because one day when you’re scared you might ruin something real.
I am strong but I’m lovely,
so don’t think that you’re above me,
when you hide your emotions and heart,
I’ll love, even more, the time apart.
Love, We’ll see, because for now I won’t just be,
I’m more alive than ever so you can earn your forever.